‘Contact lenses are a little bit like parents – the older they get, the more they irritate you, then you lose one of them and the one that’s left behind gives you a constant headache’

One Friday a traffic policeman stops a Maisie and asks to see her driving licence.
‘Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.’
‘Well,’ replies Maisie, ‘I have contacts.’
‘Lady, I don’t care who you know, you’re still going to get a ticket.’